One Million On Me!

So the chick over at Ten on Tuesday asks bloggers to make a list of ten things every Tuesday.

Here is the list prompt for today:

10 Things You’d Buy If You Had a Million Dollars

There’s no getting by easy on this one like saying “giving it to charity” or “saving it for my kids’ college”. You’ve got a million dollars, and you’ve got to spend it on yourself. Your list can add up to a million dollars, or each of the items on your list could be huge million dollar splurges. Your choice! Be greedy, spoil yourself!

Hmmmm...just for me? Alright this is my spoiled, selfish, Veruca Salt list!

1. Two houses (both big enough to house me, Chris, and the
chiren’) – The main house should be in Texas, Florida, or
Georgia. It will be by water. It will have: one bedroom for each of the
children, a music room for the kids, a Gators/man room for Chris, a
library and a dressing/shoe//walk in closet for me. The second house will be the “ranch”, and it will definitely have to be on 10 acres in Rivera, Texas. Right Chris?

2. Plastic Surgery/ Cosmetic Dental Surgery – Tummy tuck, lipo,
teeth implants, dermabrasion (no face lifts or boob jobs….yet)

3. Start up business - Jewelry boutique, t-shirt boutique, art
gallery, Moe’s, Subway… whatever! I want to be a business woman
because I know I would be fabulous!

4. A personal trainer - I'd get ready for a marathon. No measly half marathon 13.1 miles for me anymore!

5. Vacations somewhere wonderful - Australia, Souda Bay, Paris, Italy, Amsterdam, etc! I could travel for months!

6. Art lessons - My personal art teacher has left me, but with a mil I guess I could hire another to teach me the art of the paint brush.

7. Two cars - A Range Rover to tote the kids to and fro, and a silver Crossfire for times when I need speed and don't need any more than two seats!

8. A New wardrobe to fit my new size 6/8 body - This after the plastic surgery and the marathon training.

9. Expensive jewelry - Rings, necklaces, earrings, bracelets! Something to match with all the new clothes!

10. A trustworthy personal accountant - So I can use the money to make more money and never have to worry about money again!

Who knew it was so much fun being selfish and spoiled! (even if only in blogosphere theory) Watch one of my favorite spoiled brats of all time below. Watching this makes me feel a little less guilty about my list!

Clown's tools

Baloons are the tools of EVIL! Thanks Deb for introducing me to Don Hertzfeldt's genius.


Though no clowns were shown in this short, we all know that where there are clowns there are baloons! Check out my poem about the evil that lurks in the hearts of clowns! Wow! I posted that poem for the first time in 2005, but I wrote it many years before that. I've been carrying this fear and belief about clowns around since I was a child.

The Evil That Lurks in the Hearts of Clowns

Beergee had this fear you see
not of spiders or of bees
she was scared of evil clowns
who wore pale makeup and visceral frowns
she says they hide behind that grimace
behind the grease paint you cannot miss it
that twinkle of torture waiting in the wings
for small children and other happy things
They wait to corrupt and grind them down
those poor innocents that mistake these clowns
for vessels of happiness and doers of good
when in fact they seethe with all that is lewd
Beergee you see discovered the truth
these lies these screens that the evil produce
So even ones who don't wear a jester's face
how can the look in their eyes be mistaked
keep yourself protected, keep yourself abreast
because these evil clowns walk among the rest
and you may have never thought, but Beergee always did
that clowns are evil and from this world must be rid

Fashion Crimes...

...for the under 14 set. Though this is done in tongue and cheek, it is funny because it is so close to the truth. Thanks Christian for putting this link on your blog!

Don't dress your daughter like a....

How She Move? How I Cringe!

Now I love a good disadvantaged- kids- who- have- to- fight- to- reach- a- goal movie. Some of my favorites are Stand and Deliver, Lean on Me, and Freedom Writers. Sometimes I watch these movies for inspiration after a very hard day of teaching middle school English. These movies always make me feel better. They make me feel like there is worth in my profession, and somehow I am making a difference. They also show me that students have the desire to succeed. They just need a push from someone to realize it. These movies are often realistic (as realistic as Hollywood can make them) snapshots of poor, uneducated, and struggling families and students. The goal is usually some sort of academic test to be passed or scholarship to be won. The students are trying for a better life through the avenue of a good education. Makes sense right? Well... tell me then why a movie that has the potential to have a good influence on disadvantaged kids to work hard for a decent education starts out with a GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT title! How She Move doesn't make me want to watch how a girl tries to pass a scholarship test for a prep school that will give her the advantages that others don't have. It is obvious by the title that she doesn't know how to make subjects and verbs agree, and with that she will probably fail that test! One little S makes all the difference! Maybe I am so incensed because I am an English teacher. Maybe I am incensed because I teach in a urban area where I fight the hard fight everyday to improve the everyday bad grammar that they have embraced as correct. Glamorizing bad grammar is stupid. Rappers and singers do it everyday. (Remember "Wheres my girls At?") Using bad grammar as a title for a movie that is supposed to be about reaching an academic goal is just irresponsible. Shame on you Hollywood! If your interested, here is New York Post review about the movie that sums it up neatly.
How She Move review

conspiracy theory

I really am not a numbers person. I really don't get IT. I got through high school math ok, but college algebra kicked my butt. I'm not a dumb person, but when number get involved my brain makes weird turns and angles. It doesn't make linear lines (Did I just make some math jokes?) So..today I'm thinking about food...which is normal on any given day, and I start to think... How does anyone really know how many calories are in anything? Then I really start to think, maybe it is all a commercial ploy. No one used to count calories. Now you have food, diets, all kinds of things that focus on calories. I mean really can someone explain to me how you calculate one slice of lasagna equaling 1 million calories? <-----This is an example of a hyperbole - extreme exaggeration to make a point. I mean I imagine they have a calorie institute somewhere where people are eating and then getting on treadmills and then the input is divided by the output and written up about in The Science Of Calories tri monthly journal or something. Wow....sorry this has gotten way out of hand. Anyway, my point is that I think it is all in our heads. I think if we believe that slice of cheesecake is going to make us fat it will. If we don't think it maybe it won't. The mind is a powerful thing!!! Wow...I sound like Pollyanna again. So what do you think....have we been brainwashed about calories?

Australian or English?

Ok... I think it's been assumed that the Geico Gecko is of Australian decent, but I heard a radio commercial today (the mechanic one - the least funny of all) that had him sounding very English. So I posted my favorite below....and you tell me...do you hear a hint of English accent in him? ( I know that Australian accent is just a "southern drawl" of a British accent, but there is a difference I think) Either way he's right. Who doesn't love free PIE and CHIPS!!

Pollyanna and Sociopaths

What is our world coming to? I really want to believe that there are good honest people out there who have a conscious and don’t prey on others, but everyday it gets harder and harder. If you didn’t know already our Visa credit card number was stolen and was being used to make NUMEROUS transactions in the Golden State (California!) To say the least I am still traumatized by the incident. So far it looks like that was the only thing that they used; no social security number or open lines of credit at Macy’s…..yet. We have to keep a vigilant eye on the credit report to make sure that doesn’t happen though. I really was upset about the whole ordeal. I couldn’t go into work the day I actually saw the 20 posted transactions totaling $1700! What a nice New Years Eve surprise! So am I just one of those clueless Pollyannas? I can’t believe that someone would actually steal someone else’s hard earned money and create so much pain and anxiety. I will never feel safe buying birthday or Christmas presents online again. I will continue to obsessively check my account online to see if there are any mysterious charges from distant states. And what’s worse, almost everyone I tell my tale to says, “Yup it happened to me.” Are you kidding? This happens to EVERYONE?! I have heard that every thirty seconds another person is a victim of identity theft. I guess that’s true… and very very sad.